My 13 year old daughter has a life coach and so should yours
As I was getting certified as a life coach I sought out a coach for my daughter, who is in middle school. My daughter is my youngest child & I have 2 boys as well. What we learned through the other two is that middle school can suck- not for every kid and not every day, but it seems to be the consensus with my kids & my friend’s kids.
I wanted to give her tools to cope. I know with these tools, she will have more confidence and less anxiety as she goes through high school and beyond.
Her life coach provides a safe space for her to speak to an adult that has no judgment & no expectations of her. She can discuss anything and is taught to listen to what’s going on in her mind.
The goal is to have awareness that your thoughts are what are creating your feelings. In a world where a teenager feels so little control this is great news! She can’t control what her friends say or do. She can’t control what her teachers tell her or how they treat her. She can’t control what we allow her to do or what we say to her as her parents. She can’t control that someone assumed the identity of one of her friends on Snapchat and said horrible things about people & threatened the school. She can’t control the bomb threat made on social media or the active shooter drills she has regularly.
What she is learning is that she can control her interpretation of events. She has a choice. Most of us are never taught we have a choice in how we think; therefore, we have a choice in how we feel.
Not to say that she never has negative thoughts. That’s not true and not the point. She is not taught to only think positive thoughts. The point of life coaching is the opposite actually. She’s taught to be aware of her feelings and where they are coming from. It’s normal to have negative thoughts that cause all sorts of negative feelings. It is half of the human experience. In life coaching you’re also taught to feel all of your emotions on purpose and how to manage them.
In life coaching my daughter is being taught at the age of 13 that negative feelings are inevitable and important, that sometimes we want to feel badly. AND, we also don’t always have to feel badly. We get a choice.
I was on a trip, skiing with my husband last week, away for the first time together in years when I received a text from my daughter that there was a bomb threat to her school, K9 unit roaming the halls and it was very scary. Kids were getting picked up by parents & I was on the top of a mountain in Breckenridge, CO. I have never been more thankful for this work & the ability to manage my mind.
The point of my story is that I wouldn't dare tell her to think positively about this situation. It’s normal to have fear that this threat is real, anger at the person that made the threat, etc.
Having the awareness that your feelings are coming from different thoughts you’re having is where the power is.
Some kids could have truly felt excited, because they were thinking Yay, I’m leaving school at noon. I know I felt a combination of feelings. I felt helpless because I was thinking I’m so far away & there’s nothing I can do. I felt gratitude because I thought I’m so thankful my son was home & I had him on the list as an emergency contact, because I know this would have been very stressful for my mom, who was also at my house. I felt fear, because I had the thought what if this threat is actually true? The crazy thing is that I was having all these thoughts & feelings simultaneously. And, that is the normal day in the life of a human with a brain.
While I wouldn’t tell her to think positively about the bomb threat, she has been taught that if she focuses on all negative thoughts and continues to have them even after she’s home safely from school, she is causing her own anxiety to continue. She can also deliberately think other thoughts to balance the negative and take down her anxiety. She can think I’m home safely. Thankfully Will was home & picked me up quickly. They caught the person that posted the threat. She can do this at the same time as she has fearful thoughts. Do you see how one can take the anxiety level down by allowing oneself to balance the negative thoughts with some positive? Or, you can actually decide not to continue certain thoughts about something that happened in the past. The past cannot be changed, but we do have a choice in how we continue to think about it.
Her life coach asked her in her first meeting to rate her confidence 1-10. I know this because she told me. I know she has asked my daughter to rate it other times as they’ve been working together for over a year. She has taught her that confidence is a skill that she can learn. In middle school it’s very easy to think that some people have confidence and others don't. That’s how it appears, but she has been able to learn tools to work on her own confidence & I can see as her mom the difference it has made.
With life coaching we can work on so many things… negative self-talk, changing bad habits, setting & reaching goals. If you are looking for a life coach for your middle school or high school age child, let me know & I can refer you to a great one. If you are looking for a life coach for your college age daughter, I would be honored to work with her.
I work college age girls, often with athletes, and love working with this age group.
I often work with female college athletes, because this is a group of young girls that I have a special love for & know they will benefit from tools to lower their anxiety, manage their minds, learn to process their feelings & so much more. It is my mission to bring life coaching to our college athletic system as a proactive approach to mental wellness.
Imagine the life your daughter can live if she is taught to become aware of negative self talk and learn she can choose a different narrative? Imagine what she is capable of if she learns to direct her brain to focus on productive thoughts that serve her and her goals?
As a mom of 2 boys, I am extremely aware that young men can benefit from these tools as much as young women. If you have a son, I also have great referrals for you.
Your brain believes what you tell it the most. (It helps to be aware of what your brain is telling you.)
Love your coach,
Mimi