Wanting More. Feeling Less Than
It’s ok to want more than being a stay at home mom and you don’t have to feel less than. Moms I talk to that have young adult kids and are facing an empty nest speak of a desire for more, for change, for connection, for a career, for a chance at creativity and a challenge.
Unsure of what you mean by more? Unsure of what you want to do or where to start? Do you feel like something is missing but feel badly for feeling that way?
I know I felt all of the above. I just know that I was glad to be home with my kids and at the same time I felt “less than” whenever I was around moms working outside the home. I didn’t even feel like I was part of the conversation at times- like I had no voice about certain topics. I wanted to make decisions and purchases on my own. When it came to money, I have had a very complicated relationship with it. I never felt like I could do certain things, dream about or even have certain goals since I didn’t make my own money for many years.
It’s possible to find your “more.” If you’re like me & most people I think, it may take a couple tries until you figure out what that more really looks like. Whether it’s starting a new corporate career or starting your own business, making time for yoga in your life or becoming certified to be a yoga instructor. I feel that this time in our lives can be kind of magical. You stop worrying so much about what other people think. You’re not afraid to say “no” to things you don’t enjoy or find important enough for your time and energy. You’ve learned a lot along the way, so you do have some wisdom on your side….
But you still may feel stuck, uncertain. You still may not have the confidence you used to feel. You have sneaky thoughts in your head that tell you you’re too old to want to do something new or make big changes now.
This is where life coaching comes in. These are the things that you can change.
The first step to figuring your next chapter out is asking yourself what you truly want. I have a strategy to help you figure that out. It starts with knowing what you don’t want, knowing what you enjoy, knowing what’s important to you.
It also helps to begin this journey of discovery from a place of abundance instead of lack. As I mentioned above, I used to feel less than in so many ways. Until I had coaching, I didn’t realize that it’s not possible to make solid changes, become a new version of yourself or build a business when you feel complete lack and less than.
In life coaching we coach about living in abundance by wanting what you already have.
This is one step in a strategy to making changes you want in your life. Paying attention to what you already have in your life that you really want will help you focus on abundance and it can actually help you bring even more of it into your life.
Write down 25 things that you really want that you already have.
Include all the things, but don’t forget people, pets, time, health… Yes, these are things you are thankful for but actively wanting them is a different kind of energy than being thankful for them. I’ll give you my greatest example. I always wanted to be married with 3 kids. It’s so much easier to focus on the things in our lives that we want and don’t have. When I focus on purpose on what I do have that I really want it’s amazing. It’s an incredible reminder of the abundance I do have in my life.
I wanted the home my family lives in. I’ll tell you a fun story. My husband and I own one of my best high school friends' family home. When she brought her first born back to Atlanta and we all came to her house to meet the baby, I was reminded how much I loved her house and I told her mom that if she ever sold her house to please let me be the first one to know. She told me she never intended to sell it, but she would let me know if she did. Four years later she told me she would give me the first opportunity to buy the house and my family moved in that summer. We have lived here almost 19 years and I still want my home so much.
Recently I hurt one of my knees. I have been so lucky to run for decades without knee problems & a few weeks ago I woke up to a severely swollen knee. I had done a Peleton ride the night before and didn’t feel anything go wrong.
I share that story, because I have done this activity several times and I remind myself of my list regularly. One thing on the very top of my list that I want is to be able to be active every day… walk, run, cycle, do yoga, lift weights, sit with my legs crossed, squat, etc. I want this more than almost anything. It’s such a great reminder every day to think about how much I want to be able to do all of these things. It didn’t take me hurting my knee to know how much I value the health of my body. I think about it all the time. That helps me care for my body and it helps me workout when I don’t feel like it or eat well when I want to do what’s easy.
When you focus on the many things you truly want that you already have, you will realize how much you have created in your life. You create your relationships, your health, your money, your home. So many things you have that you want you have created with your time, energy, talent, love… It helps you realize how capable you are in creating other things that you want in your life.
With the 25 things activity above you will cherish more of what you already have and will be reminded of your ability to create abundance in your life. It can also help you determine what you want that you don’t have, what you want that is missing. Then, we get to work creating that!
all my best!
Mimi