Telling yourself you don’t know how is a lie & an excuse

I realize now why my past businesses weren’t successful.  I was telling myself many versions of “I don’t know how…”  I’m not sure where to start.  I’m so overwhelmed.  This is really hard.  It may not be business for you.  It may be fitness or weight loss.  It may be managing your money or improving your marriage.

No matter what it is you struggle with, all of these thoughts are going to prevent you from figuring out how and prevent you from even getting started.  The problem is you may even go through many of the motions that make you think you’re working hard towards a goal, AND you’re really getting nowhere. 

I used to be a part of a skincare company and tried to grow my business for years.  I thought I was working, but what I was doing all along was telling myself I wasn’t doing the right things & I didn’t know how to find clients.  So, I set out to learn digital marketing in order to grow my business.  I learned many skills and decided to help small businesses.  Then I found myself in the same situation.  I had these skills, but I would tell myself another series of excuses that kept me stuck.

Neither one of these ventures was very successful for me and I could never figure out why.  I was spending lots of time ‘working.’  At least it felt like work.  I was busy doing all the things, but I was getting nowhere.

Until I hired a life coach and began to turn some things around, I had no idea that it was ME getting in my own way.   It was my own mind sabotaging my success.   I took course after course and learned so many things and was still stuck.

Here’s the thing, when your thoughts are constant versions of “I don’t know how to do this or I’m not sure how to get started” your brain is always going to listen to what you're telling it and look for evidence that you don’t know how.  And, it’s always going to find it.  So, if you’re telling it you’re overwhelmed, you’re not going to take the actions you need to take.  You're going to avoid taking action at all so you can feel better.  

We are simply telling ourselves a story and giving ourselves excuses to keep us from doing the hard things, the very uncomfortable things required to reach big goals.

Where is this happening in your life?  What do you want so badly but continue to find yourself stuck?  

Growing your own business, reaching fitness goals, losing weight, working on your marriage, taking control of your finances are all important, valuable goals worth going for.  They will all require you to do difficult, uncomfortable things consistently over time.  

Buzz kill:  Your brain does NOT like this.  Your brain does not want you to go on social media and tell people you’re a life coach.  (I know this for sure 😊)  Your brain does not want you to get up early to go for a run or get on the Peleton.  Your brain does not want you to stop buying oreos, pouring another glass of wine, going out to dinner instead of planning & making a healthy meal.

Your brain focuses on 3 things: seek pleasure, avoid pain & be efficient.

Let me also ease your mind about you and your teenagers.  You’re not lazy;  you’re not unmotivated; you’re not incapable of reaching goals.  You both have a human brain.  And no one taught you how to deal with your brain.

When you go for big goals you’re pushing back against your brain many times every day.  It is so much easier to tell yourself excuses that do the hard things.

The truth is you do know ‘the how.’ 

So, how do you fix this? How do you push back against your brain?

You can begin by asking yourself powerful questions to figure out the how.  For example, ask yourself “if I did know how, what would I do first?  If I did know how, what could I do today to get started?  Is there anything I need to learn to get started?  If so, what step do I need to take to gain that knowledge?”

Powerful questions and powerful thoughts allow your brain to seek the answer that will lead you toward your goal instead of keeping you stuck.

You can figure out all the steps you need to take to reach any goal.  If there is a skills gap, you can figure out what you need to do to learn those skills.  Now, you must become the person willing to do the hard things.  They will be uncomfortable.  They will be challenging.  You will have to do these things consistently.  And, it’s worth it.

Why is it worth it?  You will grow in the process and begin to trust yourself to do hard things.  You will become the person that is capable of reaching goals and can then apply the same principles to another goal.  

And, what we all know from experience is that it sucks when you have a goal and you want it so badly and you’re not reaching it.  It’s so painful and frustrating to want to grow a business and earn your own money and feel stuck.  You’re feeling pain anyway.  Consider choosing the discomfort of growth and of taking action instead of the pain and suffering of staying stuck.

If you want someone to have your back and help you get where you want to go, I would love to help. As a life coach, I have your back and ask you the hard questions. I help you figure out why you’re stuck and help you create a plan to succeed. Then, I show you how to stay inspired to remain motivated and determined to figure out the how. You aren’t born motivated. People aren’t intrinsically motivated people or not. You can create motivation. You can decide you will figure out how. You can think deliberate thoughts, take deliberate action and create feelings on purpose to get your brain working for your goals. I’d love to show you how.

🫶 rooting for you always,

Mimi